I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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