Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
