what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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