Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
