TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
