She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I FOUND THE LEGS
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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