We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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