I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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