Someone shit on the floor
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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