It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
