I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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