I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
