What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
