Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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