Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
