Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
