yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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