I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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