once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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