4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
