I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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