You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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