AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
