he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
