Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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