Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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