She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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