oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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