This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
