I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
