All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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