My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
