Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
