it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
