words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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