We're like a lot better than the average bears
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
