why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
