there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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