Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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