see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
