last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
