omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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