That's intense
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
