ADVERTISEMENT

• (858): View more from California

  i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him

  Fav 5 3463 772

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.

  Fav 18 5709 1000

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (586): View more from Michigan

  at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....

  Fav 25 6684 1982

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"

  Fav 19 1092 4348

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him

  Fav 4 1209 2163

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?

  Fav 3 2500 1068

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (229): View more from Georgia

  dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes

  Fav 2 907 1584

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.

  Fav 21 2867 1269

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus

  Fav 13 1753 1655

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.

  Fav 7 1077 543

  share tweet
  

• (786): View more from Florida

  I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.

  Fav 0 648 520

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor

  Fav 3 243 336

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..

  Fav 2 199 133

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra

  Fav 1 72 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (510): View more from California

  Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"

  Fav 0 50 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize