im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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