Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
