I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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