don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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