discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
