Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
