i would punch a child for taco bell
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
