Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just wanna soil my oats bro
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
