I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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