you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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