i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
