would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
