Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
