I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
did you just send me my own nude
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
