I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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