I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
